comment:

I loved your essay so far, you did a great job introducing your topic and sticking with it throughout your writing. I left some comments at places where you can condense and get rid of things because I know you still need to add more words and you have a lot right now. It is great that you have so much information because it gives you plenty to work with. I really enjoyed your topic because I know many more kids seem to be struggling today especially when they have to go to school everyday and may have a harder time learning. You did a great job using Yo-yo Mas article, you could always add a little more about divorce in that paragraph because it is mainly focused on life and death. Other than that, you can read over my comments and decide what you want to do. You have a strong claim and everything goes along with it very nicely.