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Overall the text was organized. You made sure to add the topic of mental health in right away and introduced the writers that we talked about. I noticed that you could add in some more “they say” “I say” statements if you wanted to go in that direction. In the second paragraph you could spit it up into two separate paragraphs and tack on some more information to the second half, maybe use a writing example from the They Say I Say book to give you word choices. You could also work on responding with your thoughts to quotes from writers you used. I also liked the description you used “mumbling word vomit” that was awesome. I also saw a spot that you could add in the opposing side to an argument to give it more length and description. You did a great job with adding in the topics of discussion and being pretty clear.